The other night I was exiting a diner at 2 in the morning. I had to walk by a line of drunk "hunks" waiting to be seated. It was then that one of them, complete with fake tan, barked in my ear. If you are reading this, and you are him, then you know your guilt. It made me so angry that I turned around and told the guy to "lick my balls."
Now this is far from threatening, even bordering on homoerotic if you will. It's actually the stupidest thing I could have retaliated with. However, I rarely talk back to anyone. Yet, seeing this greasy, sweaty, club hopping, 26 year old executive with his popped collar and spiked hair brewed a rage deep in my gut that commanded that this man "lick my balls." I even toyed with the notion of walking up and giving him a big hug to freak him the fuck out. Or taking a shit in my hand and throwing it at him, monkey style.
If you are with a group of your shit eating friends after hittin' the clubs, and you're so lame that you have to go to a diner together afterwards rather than going home with a sleazy, easy, Jersey girl, then you have no right to bark into anyone's ear. When you can't get free, cheap, and easy sex, don't take out your frustrations on my right ear. I'm always in the wrong place at the wrong time. Ho-hum-ho-hum-blah.
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