If They Lived... Rock Star Edition Vol. 2

Yesterday, I wrote a blog about the fate of dead rock stars and/or icons and their futures, if they had lived. Well, I guess their true fates where, in fact, met, as one can't change fate, or so they say. But I proposed their career moves, and lifestyles, had the fates been with them.

Thinking about these dead guys, I came up with three of them who I believe would have embraced a happy outcome, personally, creatively, and critically. But not all careers take a turn for continued praise into the future.

One of the things death does, as examined in Chuck Klosterman's book Killing Yourself to Live is help celebrities cement a legacy for themselves they may not have obtained while sill alive. Think about all of the rock stars that we try to continue to pin as living legends. Johnny Rotten, Mick Jagger, Ringo "fucking" Starr, if you will. They're legacies are fortified in the importance of rock history, but the past couple decades haven't been too kind to them; reunion tours, refusals to break up bands, continuing to tour in something called "the All-star Band."

Yet, plenty of dead rock stars shortened lives have created proverbial altars to worship on fueled by forever morning fans. They live on in legacy through countless documentaries, biographies, reissued albums, t-shirts, benefit concerts. In short, to quote Yogurt of Spaceballs, it's all about "MERCHANDISING!" By dying, rock stars simply cut out the filler that bogs down the rest of their life. It's why the original 3 hour version of Apocalypse Now! is much better than that 4 hour redux version.

Here is a list of 5 dead rock stars I believe would have ultimately met a negative outcome, forgoing millions of fans that scream their brilliance from rough tops and spend the anniversary of their deaths lying bed or crying to their records.

5 Bad Outcomes (denotes, not necessarily bad lives in the star's own eyes, but less than celebrated careers than we the public recognize now):

Brad Nowell (Lead singer/songwriter of the band Sublime. Date of Death: 5/25/96 Cause of Death: heroin overdose):
Their current, and last, self-titled album becomes minor hit amongst music fans. Sublime releases one more album entitled "Lou on my Shoe" in 1999 before Nowell breaks up band. People forget about Sublime by 2002. Forms laughable reggae infused band that plays local California clubs. Tries producing terrible punk band and ska acts but gives up. College kids across America don't walk around campuses and attend karaoke parties singing "Santeria." Eventually becomes rhythm guitar player in current Sublime spin-off, Long Beach Dub All-Stars, before becoming a talking head on a VH1 video recap special about the '90s.

Sid Vicious (second, and infamous, bass player of Sex Pistols, known for reckless life-style and inability to play one note. Date of Death: 2/2/79 Cause of Death: Overdose on heroin given to him by his mother):
What becomes of him? Nothing. Works as a mechanic at a small garage outside of London. 14 year olds and miss guided 20-somethings don't hang up posters of him in their rooms. Alex Cox never directs the worthless film "Sid and Nancy" Sex Pistols continue to recruit original Pistol's bassist, Glenn Matlock, on all of their awful, money grubbing reunion tours. Sid Viscous become a mere trivia question in endless coffee table books about the History of Punk.

Jim Morrison (lead singer of The Doors. Date of Death: 7/3/71. Cause of Death: Unknown. Found dead in Paris bathtub.)
Cleans up act by late '70s after years of musical inactivity and many close episodes with death. Puts out solo albums with dated synths in the '80s that can now be found in every used cd section in America. Morrison reunites with The Doors to put out a stale reunion album in 1988 and performs a sold out tour where Doors fans stand still during their hooky new songs. Again, reunites with The Doors in 1999, only to tour, looking like an overweight middle school teacher. Does life insurance commercials along side Dennis Hopper in 2007 before writing his definitive autobiography.

Kurt Cobain (singer/songwriter/guitarist of Nirvana. Date of Death: 4/5/94. Cause of Death: Apparent suicide. Possible murder. Shotgun blast to head.)
Nirvana break up in '98 after 2 poorly received, generic albums. 1993's "In Utero" recognized as the average album it is rather than the final masterpiece. MTV Unplugged sessions lost in the vaults. Cobain forms new band, Backwoods Dry Rot, in 2001 that releases an awful album with one tour where crowd continually requests "Come as You Are" and "About a Girl" Continues to produce albums by his favorite artists, such as The Melvins. Divorces Courtney Love in an ugly custody battle for Francis Bean. Eventually marries an unknown homely housewife. Dave Grohl, in turn, puts out one decent album with Foo Fighters rather than 6 that sound identical. Cobain reunites Nirvana in 2009 for two sold out tours of tiny clubs. Divorces homely housewife in 2010.

John Lennon (singer/songwriter of The Beatles fame. Political activist. Popular 70s solo artist. Date of Death: 12/8/80. Cause of Death: murdered outside his NYC apartment by crazed fan Mark David Chapman):
Legacy of The Beatles remains cemented. However, 1980's comeback album with Yoko Ono, "Double Fantasy" becomes ridiculed by critics as the '80s progress rather than reaching brilliant, farewell status. Becomes a participant of Band Aid in 1984 and sings on "Do They Know It's Christmas Time?" Helps Michael Jackson and Lionel Ritchie write "We are the World" in 1985. Puts out overproduced, star studded records shrouded in reverb every 7 years starting in 1986 while giving the green light to a barrage of his own Greatest Hits collections. Hands out awards at the Grammies every few years. Gets tangled in some sort of Yoko Ono marriage scandal in 1993. Guest stars as backing vocals on one track from a Sean Lennon album. Does much hyped iPod commercial along side Paul McCartney which airs during Super Bowl XLI.