Too Much Seasoning

I remember a time in New Jersey when winter was winter, summer was summer, fall was fall, and childhood was fun. You know what I'm talking about? When I was a kid, I remember the actual existence of seasons. After Halloween, it was time to whip out the big jacket, that puffy one with the gigantic Charlotte Hornet on the back (I'm convinced the Charlotte Hornet's sold more NBA merchandise in the '90's, besides the Bulls. Everyone had a Hornets hat, shirt, gloves, and/or matching panties. Goddamn, did people think teal cured cancer?). Now a days, it seems Halloween is now the time to put away the shorts and tank tops and get out closed toed shoes and snazzy windbreakers.

I also remember Christmases when I could see my breath when I stepped outside. The lawn ornaments of grazing reindeer and smiling polar bears actually fit with the nip in the air. However, the past few Christmases I wake up and have a debate whether I should shoot my sunbathing neighbor off her roof with a slingshot or open gifts. The weather has been wacky to say the least.

Today, out of nowhere, January struck, pounding Jersey with good old fashioned, frigged-as-fuck temperatures (even Miami was only 39 degrees this morning). But the news tonight promised me that this weekend, would be "warm and ahhh'rockin'!!!", far above the average January temperatures. What the hell is going on? Why can't we have temperatures act the way they used to? Huh? Why God?

And I'm not blaming this on global warming either. I'm blaming it on all the prayers of people who want to live in the upper northeast but don't want to deal with cold weather. It's as if the weather keeps going on drinking binges, waking up and forgetting what the fuck its purpose is. These volatile seasons are screwing with my head. I like to be cold in the winter, and hot in the summer, and content in the spring. Stop praying about the weather and let me freeze in peace. Thank you.