Every time I log onto the ol' 'space, I see someone I know has posted another quiz or survey about themselves. "Top 150 Things I Have Not Sucked" or "Why I'm a Raucous Lover Between the Sheets," is something I see everyday. And I see that my compatriots have taken the time to answer these questions with diligence and social fervor. I have not filled any of these out once. What am I not getting?
So to save the trouble of copying and pasting my life into little boxes of questions that ask if I've ever "Spooned in a car while listening to Journey," I've decided that you can now ask me anything you want. Yes, you can ask me any question you want, and then fill out a survey about me. How's that? I'm basically making you, the home internet surfer, become my questionnaire slave.
In the past, I've attempted to ask my friends and fellow bands I know to contribute one song to a compilation I was attempting to assemble for an indie record label I was trying to get off the ground, like a beautiful dove with a broken wing. Out of the 20 bands I asked to contribute a song, 18 said yes. As of today, I've received not one song to compile. Yet, I have faith that you will make your own quizzes about me, because somewhere along the line one of us has clicked the "approve" button allowing us to become friends of international social friend network (I.S.F.N. as I like to call it). This will conveniently leave me more time to write blogs and bulletins.
Want to know if I ever put toothpaste on my peter? Well, the answer is yes. Want to know if I ever jumped in a pool naked? Well, that would be a no. See how this works? Just ask me a question and you can fill out a myspace survey in my name. From my friends, I have learned so much about their past and present. For instance, I know that my friend Matt from grade school is "eatin pizza" on a Friday night and loves the show "The Office." Thanks to his survey, I know more about his life faster and more conveniently then I ever would if we talked. And who the fuck wants to do that these days.
"What's in it for me, the filler outer of another man's survey?" you might be asking yourself. Well, truthfully, nothing. Nothing but a wealth of knowledge about me. And who wouldn't want that? Plus, if you write out my surveys for me, it will help you become a faster typer, much in the way experts say reading more helps you become a faster reader. I love helping out my friends.
So, next time, when you want to write a survey about "20 Embarrassing Bathroom Moments," just give me a holler and I'll write you a brief bio on the subject. That way, we'll all be doing something together. Having internet friends is fucking awesome. Thanks digital buddies. Signing off.
Q: Did you ever fill out a blog complaining about surveys?
A: Yes.
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