Initial Here if Your Initials are Ridiculous

My parent's originally wanted to name me Michael Matthew Truchan. They thought Michael was such a cool, hip, modern, and unique name. Matthew, my proposed middle name, was to be in honor of my father's nephew, and my godfather. And Truchan? Well that's the name the folks at Ellis Island butchered out of the family name Truckin and branded onto my family's ass (okay, the Truchan's never went through Ellis Island and our name was never really Truckin although that's what we "keep on doin'." I just haven't made an Ellis Island joke, in like, six years). So, if my parents went through with their initial plan (pun intended baby!), then my initials would be M.M.T. That doesn't stand for anything. It sounds like a computer technology institution in the Northeast.

Then came the change of heart. They realized everyone and their dog's ball sack was named Michael. For some reason, they thought the name Eric had just enough pizazz for a child like me. They then decided to act as if my godfather, Matthew, were dead and pushed that name out of the middle slot and into oblivion. I was, officially, Eric Truchan. My initials, therefore, became E.T. My parents initialed me into a fucking blockbuster alien with a glowing finger. My full, SAT-ready name, if you will, Eric Michael Truchan, came out to be E.M.T. So, in life, I either stand for an alien or an Emergency Medical Technician. These days, I like to think of myself as a little bit of both.

Growing up, it wasn't bad enough I had self-esteem issues. No, I had to have people laugh at me and call me E.T., saying I should go and phone my home. You have no idea how many times I wound up in the office in 1st grade, beginning the principal to let me call my parents, for something must have been wrong at the house. "Come on Mrs. Principal! My fellow classmates are having premonitions." See, I hated the movie "E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial" as a kid. I tried watching it many times but could not get through it. It was too slow and creepy. So, I was oblivious for quite some time as to why classmates laughed at my initials. Now, coincidentally, I really like that movie and it makes me want to cry for lonely children everywhere. Friends really do come in all shapes and sizes.

Even today, as an adult, I can't initial important documents without revealing a slight blush. I just know the person reading it is laughing at me, thanking the Lord their initials abbreviate to jack shit. Unless your name is John Smith. Then your initials could stand for jack shit. Sorry John Smith.

But I guess it could be worse. I could be Brian Licorice Taylor (B.L.T.) I could be Fred Undies (F.U.) Or I could be Peter Maria Sexophone (P.M.S.) These all kind of suck. I cause I'd rather be an Emergency Medical Technician and a child friendly alien than the bitchy symptoms to an on coming tampon party. So, I guess, I have to say it's not as bad as it could have been, Mom and Dad. But thanks for not having me out of wedlock!!!!