Let's Keep it Brief

So today, a big change a-came in my life. I decided to switch from boxers to briefs. When I say briefs, I'm talking about, yes ladies, "tighty whities," a term that became popular and made the plain brief just as uncool as skiing or soccer. (I appreciate all those things by the way).

It's been interesting to say the least, which is why you are reading this in the first place. I feel the brief is really holding it all together but I'm just not sure yet whether this road less traveled by my age demographic is the right road for me. Ever since companies started putting Corona bottles and Eric Cartman on boxer shorts, they became the garment of choice. I switched over in the early years of middle school, still bummed I could no longer fit into briefs with cartoons on it. I had to go white, baby and I did not like it.

However, the boxer years have not treated me much better. Wearing boxer shorts feels like I stuffed a half dress down my jeans. It's like if your father wakes you up in the middle of the night and tells you the house is on fire and you throw your pants over a pair of summertime shorts to look decent outside. Inevitably, it's gonna bunch up and be uncomfortable. I was sick of it.

But now, I'm not sure I'm fitting into my new choice. Pun intended? Maybe? I can't figure out if this is comfortable or restricting. I don't wanna be held back during my day to day. But with boxers, I don't want to be constantly pulling down extra crotch fabric in the middle of the supermarket either. You just can't win. I didn't like kneeling down to get things today because the white sticks out. It's socially acceptable, actually stylish, to see someones Bud Light boxers poking out of the top of their attire. But the white briefs usually make girls giggle and grown men cry. Why is this?

Believe me, I've gone commando style too, and that's just too much freedom I don't think anyone should have. It's anarchy down there!

Tomorrow, I will give the briefs another shot, but I think I ultimately like the perks of boxers. It currently feels like my scrotum's stuck in a hacky sack of some sort, but not quite an excruciating hacky sack. It's a suspiciously cozy hacky sack? Oh sorry. The official name for them is footbag.