Pretty scary shit, huh? Well, the obvious one I get is Buddy Holly. I hear that about 3 times a day just because I got myself a pair of black horn rimmed looking glasses. Drunk men over the age of 45 usually tell me this as well as polite house moms, as if they're letting me on a little secret. But it's such a dull and trite comparison. It's like if someone went up to a female collie every day and told her she looked like Lassie. It's the standard and frankly it passes through me unnoticed. Here's some other ones I've been compared to.
Rivers Cuomo, lead singer and breaker-of-hearts, from Weezer is one I get quite often. Usually, people say "that guy from Weezer." I don't think I look a damn thing like him at all and this is apparent if you have eyes. It's almost as pointless as saying I look like Buddy Holly, just cause of the glasses thing. Ironically, Cuomo made a bunch of money from a song called "Buddy Holly." I guess that's actually not ironic since he consciously took the time to write it. Don't look like him.
This is just fucking stupid. When I was substitute teaching, many of my frequent sixth and seventh grade students told me I looked like this goofball. I thought they were just in on a big group joke but they seemed genuine about it and persisted throughout the year. I guess they're just stupid. Ya can't teach kids nothin' these days. Don't look like him, AT ALL.
Here's another popular one. Again, the glasses are just thick and I guess we have that greasy clumpy hair thing going. Being called Napolean Dynamite is bad enough, but Austin Powers? It really sucks being compared with two of the most annoyingly quotable movie characters of the past ten years. Now, if someone tells me I look like Borat, then I'm in trouble. Don't look like him.
Here's one my middle school students also pointed out to me. Since then, I've heard it from others. It's Patrick Stump from that band of jerkoffs, Fall Out Boy. At first, I dismissed it. However, I have seen pictures of this rapidly plumping, sideburn sporting frontman that are a little eerie. Eerie in ways that make me want to shave and stop associating myself with music in general. Being compared to the singer of "Dance, Dance" is weird because I don't dance, especially if sober and alone.
Keeping in the spirit of bad bands, the second guy from the left was pointed out to me by my girlfriend's sister. It's one of the nameless guys from that shitty band The Fray. They put out that song that's sure to play in grocery stores and fall season TV previews for years to come. It's more of an inside joke now in my girlfriend's family, about a guy who in a band no one usually knows the name of anyway. But it seems if it isn't pop culture movie icons, it's a couple of dudes from Top 40 Rock. And nobody wants to be on that list (except Patrick Stump and the guy from The Fray, I guess).
Then there's Ben Gibbard from Death Cab for Cutie and The Postal Service. Again, just sort of has glasses and wears my shirts. I actually sort of think he's ripping ME off. It's a little ridiculous. I used to like his songwriting. But now's he's too cuddly and unnecessarily sad and I want people to stop comparing us. I'm also convinced this annoying redneck, Republican kid from my Senior Film class wrote a blog about how he hates "Ben Gibbard" looking kids.I used to just happen to sit by him and then this coincidental blog?. Fuck you man. You're opinions on Bush were ridiculous and you should go die for oil or something. Sorry. Bottom line: don't want to look like him, but indie rock's made us look like each other.
This is Colin Meloy, otherwise known as "that guy from The Decemberists" which is what people say to me. "Hey, you look like..." and I raise my hand and nod "Yes, the guy from The Decemberists." A lot of people think this is a compliment when they say it because they're discovering this band and think they're getting into some pretty awesome and deep stuff. But I just think Colin Meloy and his Decemberists are boring and stale. Actually, he just looks like Ben Gibbard. Actually, he's identical to Ben Gibbard, both in features and currently shitty music. In fact, those two should just have sex and get it over with. But leave me out of it. Unless, you know, they pay me a lot of money or release one of my records on an indie label with good distrobution.
Just heard this one today from my friend's mother. It actually inspired me to compile this list. It's Seth Rogen, everybody. This is weird, because when he was on "Freaks and Geeks" he looked like my one college roommates, Andrew. Then he got glasses, stopped shaving, and had the extra baggage. Now he's been appointed to my club of lookalikes. I like "Freaks and Geeks" and "Knocked Up" so this is okay to me.
When I first met my girlfriend's mom she constantly told me I looked like Superman. Then she called me Superman for weeks, possibly months, the way a toothless bag lady would. "Oh Superman. Yo-hoo," she'd say and laugh. What the fuck, I thought, Superman flys and lifts planets. One day I asked, "Do you mean I look like Clark Kent?" and she said, "Yeah Superman." I guess that's cool. Clark Kent was a journalist by day, womanizer of Ms. Lane by night. I just don't want to end up like George Reeves or Christopher Reeve. Tragic and Dead, and all Reeve-y.
A couple years ago, my girlfriend and I were watching the film "Jacob's Ladder," starring Tim Robbins. She insisted I looked exactly like him, facial features and all. Sometimes I see it. The pictures not the best, but it's cool cause he's yelling and didn't get his hair cut in a while. I'll take the Tim Robbins lookalike award because if you can handle Susan Sarandon and Shawshank, you can handle anything. Get busy living, or get busy dying!
Well, that's about it for now. Tomorrow, I will step out my front door and hear the "Hey sonny, you know who you remind me of" all over again. It's like "Groundhog Day" but I don't get the girl in the end. I already have one and, as told, her family thinks I look like three of these identity theifs. On another note, I've also heard I looke like John Lennon a couple times but I think people are just running out of things to compare me to. Where does it end? Luckily no ones every told me that I look like AJAX the dog...
Thanks for reading. I'll leave you with a final photo of yours truly. Sleep tight.
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